I Deserve Good Things

Learning to Accept This to Be True

A few years ago, I downloaded the affirmation app I Am to my phone. I set the widget on my home screen so I would be met with a much-needed affirmation each time I opened my phone. I was in a season of my life when I could barely find hope, strength, and energy to make it through my days and needed a little external support to help me change my internal narrative.

In a matter of a few months, I had walked away from my only local community, the faith I once held dear and a 19-year marriage.

My world was crashing around me. Everything I once knew and believed no longer felt true. My life felt upside down as I began to carve a new way forward for myself and my six children.

I needed to be mentally sound, safe, and stable for this time of transition. Yet the messages of my past, fears, anxieties, and self-doubt daily impeded my progress.

I hoped this app, with new mantras and affirmations, could help turn things around.

I was right! As those affirmations popped on my screen hourly, I took a moment to see them, breathe them in, and embed them into my soul so I could begin to change my thought patterns even if I didn’t yet fully believe them. Bit by bit, subtle changes began to occur in my thought life as a result of this practice.

Years later, the app still remains on my phone, frequently dropping positive messages into my day.

Today, I glanced at my phone and read one of the affirmations. Instead of receiving a mid-day boost, I instantly felt sick.

The affirmation?

I deserve good things in my life.

After reading that sentence, I instinctually thought, “No, I don't. I don't deserve anything good in my life.”

Looking back, I'm not sure which was more shocking to me, the affirmation itself or my immediate response.

I supposed my rejection of that statement shouldn’t come as a surprise given the teachings of the faith I claimed for 39 years.

I was raised in Conservative Evangelical Christianity which holds that all people are born sinners. The penalty for sin, according to the faith, is eternal separation from God. The only way to escape God’s wrath, they teach, is to believe in the death and resurrection of Jesus who took the penalty of sin upon himself for those who believe.

I believed in the Calvinistic theology that taught this divine loophole is a free gift from God given to those whom God chooses and independent of the believer’s ability to choose faith.

Taught we were filthy rags of no value or worth, deserving an eternity in hell, believers were to be grateful to be chosen and live the rest of their lives out of gratitude for salvation, always pointing to God’s goodness in having chosen them.

I see the psychological damage of these teachings now, though I didn’t when I was in the faith.

To feel shame and guilt for being imperfect- what a travesty! To believe that because of your perfections, you don’t deserve to be saved yet God still chooses you because by saving you he brings more glory to himself- how degrading!

To believe that one is never deserving of good things- how abusive!

This “biblical” narrative is flooded with disempowerment, ideas of shame over our humanity, and required debased ideas of self.

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Back to the affirmation app….

Though I’ve left the faith, it’s amazing how deeply these old beliefs remain ingrained in my heart.

So much so that when I read the statement "I deserve good things in my life," I recoiled.

It will take repetitive work to rewrite those narratives, to replace old messaging with my current beliefs that:

I deserve good things in my life…..not because I was chosen or earned them, but because I exist. I am not a filthy used-up rag.

I should not feel ashamed for being imperfect or having made mistakes. Instead, I can embrace my imperfections and see my errors as opportunities to learn and grow.

I do not need to live a disempowered life, waiting and hoping to be loved, rescued, saved, or for good things to come to me.

Love and goodness are not gifts. They are inherent to my existence.

Love is me embodied. Love is the air that I breathe. Love can not be taken away from me - no matter what.

Goodness can rightfully be created and pursued.

This is work I eagerly commit myself to so I can live life believing I am worthy of my dreams, hopes, and passions.

For I truly now believe: that I deserve good things in my life.

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Writing Prompt:

I write to heal.

Early in my healing journey, my journal accompanied me everywhere I went so I could hear and process my thoughts as I put pen to paper. Often, those writings came through various writing prompts. To pay it forward, I offer you a writing prompt with each post so you can join me in discovering your inner hero through writing.

If writing to heal resonates with you, consider using the following prompt to direct your writing.

Here is your prompt:

One negative message from my past that I am choosing to overcome is….. or I used to believe…/Now I believe…

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*Note: I offer Monthly Writing Prompt Journeys for paid subscribers. These Monthly Writing Prompt Journeys are designed to help you discover, understand, and release your inner hero, the one waiting to break free from the shadows. Through each month’s themes and prompts, you’ll discover valuable insights about yourself - your dreams, passions, interests, and perhaps a little healing.

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I write to heal and connect with my inner hero.

This essay started with a thought, a pondering, and later became a journal entry, and finally this essay.

Journaling is a way of slowing down, checking in, and tapping into our inner being that so easily gets lost in the hustle of the day.

If you need an opportunity to slow down and connect with yourself in a safe, supportive, and distraction-free space, I invite you to join me for my From a Whisper to a Roar Writing Circles.

The bi-monthly From a Whisper to a Roar Writing Circles are a time to gather online, discuss journaling as a tool for self-discovery, write in silence together, and reflect on the process.

I will provide a writing prompt or two for inspiration (take it or leave it). There is no expectation that anyone will share their writing with the group - in fact, we won’t be sharing our writing! This group is about writing to heal, not about becoming writers!

This is an opportunity to carve time out of your busy schedule, to sit in silence undistracted, connect inwardly through the gift of writing, and reflect with the group about the power of writing in each of our lives.

We write every other Friday from 10:00-11:00 AM EST.

To join, subscribe as a paid member to gain access!