The Invisible Mother Made Visible
A Moment of Being Seen
The work of motherhood is often invisible, taking place behind the scenes in the planning, organizing, cleaning, preparing, teaching, coaching, and consoling.
In my case, I often seem only to be noticed when I've made a mistake or a crisis has arisen.
Mom, I can’t find my pants!
Mom, why did you buy the wrong Cheerios?
Ugh, you forgot to pick up my book at the library again!
Mom, the toilet is clogged!
I know my children won’t fully appreciate the efforts I make for them until they are adults (if they survive their childhood). In many ways, that's okay. There are no participation trophies in motherhood….nor should there be. After all, children don't ask to be born. Parents should rightfully carry the responsibility to care for their children to the best of their ability without fanfare.
And, I also now believe it is okay for children to see their mother as a fellow human with needs, wants, emotions, and limited energy. (This has not always been the case.) I live my newfound belief emphatically and visibly when exhausted at the end of a long day desperate for my Lord of the Flies boys to transform into innocent sleeping cherubs.
Perhaps the invisibility of motherhood is most visible in the lack of a mother’s presence in photos, as she is often the one taking the pictures.
I feel my invisibility more acutely now as a single mother carrying the weight of it all.
The advent of the selfie has made it a bit more accessible to snap a picture with one's children, but let’s be honest, selfies don’t often showcase us at our best.
This Thanksgiving excited that five of my six children were sitting at the table eating the family meal (a rare occurrence), I jumped up and snapped a picture of the family to document the moment. My mother asked, “What about you?” I replied, “Oh, that’s okay. I don’t need to be in the picture.”
The empty chair in the picture? If you look close enough, you’ll see the invisible mother occupying that one!
The next day, after battling the Christmas tree lights for what felt like half the day (because, of course, the outlet behind the tree didn’t work, the pre-lit tree no longer lit, one strand of lights only lit half the string, and the lights I pulled off the porch stopped working as soon as they came inside), I lifted my five-year-old son to place the star on top of the tree, as Jimmy Stewart did in It’s a Wonderful Life.
I recognized the picturesque moment while it happened and added my inability to document yet another mother/child moment to the list of solo parenting sorrows.
At that exact moment, my 10-year-old son said, “Mom, that would be a great picture. Can I use your phone?”
Wow, he saw me!
With the star already atop the tree, I said, “Yes” and picked my son back up to recreate the scene.
I will always know the resulting photo was a posed moment recreated for posterity, but it is one I'm thankful to possess as these moments of mother and child sharing the same are increasingly rare.
Turns out, I’m not quite as invisible as I thought and I have the evidence to prove it.
Writing Prompt:
I write to heal.
Early in my healing journey, my journal accompanied me everywhere I went so I could hear and process my thoughts as I put pen to paper. Often, those writings came through various writing prompts. To pay it forward, I offer you a writing prompt with each post so you can join me in discovering your inner hero through writing.
If writing to heal resonates with you, consider using the following prompt to direct your writing.
Here is your prompt:
I feel invisible when…. /I feel seen when…
Write to Heal Writing Circles
I write to heal and connect with my inner hero.
This essay started as a thought, a pondering, and then a journal entry.
Journaling is a way of slowing down, checking in, and tapping into our inner being that so easily gets lost in the hustle of the day.
If you need an opportunity to slow down and connect with yourself in a safe, supportive, and distraction-free space, I invite you to join me for my Write to Heal Writing Circles.
The Write to Heal Writing Circle is a time to gather online, discuss journaling as a tool for self-discovery, write in silence together, and reflect on the process.
I will provide a writing prompt or two for inspiration (take it or leave it). There is no expectation that anyone will share their writing with the group - in fact, we won’t be sharing our writing! This group is about writing to heal, not about becoming writers!
This is an opportunity to carve time out of your busy schedule, to sit in silence undistracted, connect inwardly through the gift of writing, and reflect with the group about the power of writing in each of our lives.
Subscribe as a paid member to gain access!