Three Small Words That Changed Everything
How learning to say “I love you” to myself reshaped the way I give and receive love.
Three Small Words
Do I have it in me
to create space for love?
To be seen and YET
fully loved
is my desire,
or so I believe,
as I rehome
my “unloveable” bits
to the shadows
where shame and guilt thrive.
I try to make myself small,
to not offend,
or demand more than my
allotment.
With my creativity and intelligence
previously denied,
I shrink back to avoid
potential rejection
and the embarrassment of failing.
I hide my needs
and pretend to be stronger than I am
to not burden others.
I champion authenticity
yet I still pluck the hair
between my brows–
trying to make myself acceptable.
True vulnerability
begins with the self,
so I risk it by
saying “I love you”
to the bits still cowering
in the corner.
I wonder if my love
will be received.
*Originally published in my poetry memoir,
Barely a Whisper: poems from the heart of a woman re-becoming.
The poem you just read was one of the first steps I took in my self-love journey.
With decades of experience, I had mastered the art of self-hatred. If awards were to be given for this skill, I’m sure I would have been in the running.
It served me well for a time. It kept me small, quiet, and acquiescing to those who had no love to give. It kept the peace, or so I thought. Somewhere along the way, I had been taught to believe that self-love was sinful, selfish, and detrimental to relationships.
I no longer believe that.
Instead, I’ve come to believe that self-love is the root of all love because I’ve seen it work.
The more I’ve loved myself, the more love I’ve had to give and the more love I’ve been able to receive. Extending unconditional love to another is only possible when we’ve extended unconditional love to our own shadow parts. Receiving love now feels like a mutual acknowledgment of my worthiness. It’s an amplification of love, not the filling of a void.
I’m proud of the past version of myself who wrote this poem. After acknowledging years of self-betrayal and shrinking, I chose to risk it and say “I love you” to myself.
It was scary. It didn’t feel safe. I had no idea how I would respond. What if I said “no”? Would I crack and break under the weight of such self-abandonment?
Thankfully, I dropped my walls.
With time and practice, I’ve come to embrace the parts of myself I once shrank, banished, and silenced. I’ve even come to love the parts of myself that locked the door on those parts.
I have to say, this love story is one for the record books. From mortal enemies to best friends. From insecure to secure. From settling to searching for the best. All I had to do was get curious about the parts of myself I hated, ask them what they needed, and accept them for who they are.
That perspective shift changed everything about how I operate in this world with myself and with others.
I no longer abandon myself to receive love, accolades, or compliments. I’m rooted in who I am and know the right people will come my way. I can extend greater love to those in my sphere of influence and already feel the love that is destined to come my way.
I’d be lying if I said I’ve mastered the skill of radical self-love. I believe it will be a lifelong process to achieve. But each day, I walk closer to that ultimate prize.
If it’s been a while, try saying “I love you” to yourself. It could change everything.
Journaling Prompt:
I write to heal.
Early in my healing journey, my journal accompanied me everywhere I went so I could hear and process my thoughts as I put pen to paper. Often, those writings came through various writing prompts. To pay it forward, I offer you a journal prompt with each post so you can join me in discovering your inner hero through writing.
If writing to heal resonates with you, consider using the following prompt to direct your writing.
Here are your prompts:
Write the words “I love you” to yourself on the page. What feelings come up as you see them directed inward?
When have you abandoned or silenced yourself to keep the peace, avoid rejection, or gain approval? What did it cost you in those moments?
How has your relationship with yourself shaped your ability to give and receive love?
Write a love letter to a part of yourself you’ve struggled to accept. Let it be as tender and unconditional as if you were writing to a dear friend.
My first poetry memoir, Barely a Whisper: poems from the heart of a woman re-becoming is available now!
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